All creativity comes out of inner spaciousness. Once the creation has happened and something has come into form, you have to be vigilant so that the notion of “me” or “mine” does not arise. If you take credit for what you accomplished, the ego has returned, and the spaciousness (of presence) has become obscured. ~ Eckhart Tolle
For the past two and a half months Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose has traveled with me from workshops, to the office, to lunches with friends and has rested on my nightstand every evening. I can’t recall who recommended Tolle’s work to me. I wish I could so I could properly thank them. When I first began the book, one of my most dear friends and muses said to me it will change my life. Being unafraid of change and intrigued by such a claim, I coursed through the pages with patience and conviction. Today I turned its final page.
I’ve realized the journey to my own awakening has taken many roads in the past couple years. It began when a mentor asked me if how I feel and where I am is what I want when I’m fifty. A year, and many small steps towards identifying and putting in place my own ego, a corner office became a refuge to shed fears and tears of frustration and loss. A month after that, a workshop designed to uncover my “authentic voice” shifted my voice mute. It was like I was screaming for help in a nightmare. My mouth would open, lips would move, heart would race but no sound would escape. It’s been over a year since those evenings in the retreat center encircled by 17 creative and brilliant minds, and I can still taste the emptiness that latched on to my heart late in the evenings. Since then I’ve been more attentive to my journals, my conversations and my readings. I’ve been introduced to the great philosophers and leading spiritual teachers – some of whom I’ve connected with immensely, others whose teachings don’t align with my beliefs, I’ve put aside. This path has blessed me with treasured personal friendships unequaled by any other in my past. Each day on this journey of awakening I work on letting go, not just of the materialistic needs, that’s actually the easiest part. No, the real work in letting go is in relationships, particularly with our own ego.
This journal is clearly a manifestation of ego. It’s where I share my thoughts, events, and creations – the doings of my being. What could be more egotistical? I see it and although ego needs its time and place, not today. Today, with many more steps ahead before reaching the peak of this journey’s mountain, I am lightening my load, placing ego alongside the road. There is no creation to share. No “doing” to report. No event to announce.
Today I am simply being.